Log in

No account? Create an account
Yep, it's me.

I FINALLY remembered my password. RAWR >.>

I doubt I'll be on daily like I used to be... Buuuuuuuut I wanted people to know that I still live. XDD
I'm shocked I was able to sign in at all. Livejournal's been an ass recently.

Okay, I've been trying to start a habit because I've realized I've been getting lazier and I wanted to be more active. Well so I got up at whatever time I'd wake up, get dressed, play some DDR, get on the comp n check my stuff, go to my chores while eating breakfast, call Ashly to see what's going on ((we have this call daily thing going on...it's a long story...)), get on the comp again or draw, play more DDR til Terry comes home, give him the comp until 5. MAYBE 5:30. Check my stuff again, redo any chores that need to be done, draw or read until dinner, do dishes, clean kitchen, go on comp or do whatever until I'm tired again. Well so, I started this maybe 5 days ago. Terry got on my comp the first day, gave it back at 5:30 even though I said 5. Second day, he gives it back at 6, even though I said 5, and this time all of my things ((Which I had important-to-me things open)) were closed. The third day. I get it back at 6. All my things are closed out and he closed my laptop even though he KNOWS that I have a fucked up laptop that you cant close when it's on or else you'll have to illegally shut down- which I've had to do maybe 1000+ times since I got it in June of 2008 cause my brother's a fucking asshole like that.
So then yesterday I said hell fucking no you're not getting my laptop. Every time I gave it to you, you took the entire kitchen instead of the snack I offered and I'm not dealing with that. It's my laptop anyway and I'm not going to allow you to use it every day just so you can talk to your girlfriend. Well so he got pissed, yelled, but that was it. Then today, come to find out, he stole the cord to MY ps2 and so now I can't play DDR. He's "punishing" me because I'm not letting him use my shit. I told mom, she called me a tattle-tale and did nothing about it. He's fucking playing dad and I'm the fucking bad guy because I'm not letting him use the one thing precious to me. ((Which my mom now calls my laptop "My precious because she says I'm addicted to it.))

Oh and now mom's not getting me an art tablet because she says she doesn't "want to add to my computer addiction" WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!!?


Last time I was on here was 5 weeks ago. Strange that it feels so much longer ago. Honestly though, I could care less. My life has been a living hell. A total and miserable hell hole. I didn't want to come on here and post about my sorrows and make this my emo livejournal, but seriously there's been about no good happening to me. My Step-step dad is in New Jersey and might be- erm, that's confident and since I'm sure Koty might read this, I won't post what's been going on. He knows Thad. Let's just say temptation is his weak point. Mom has been an asshole for the longest time. It's making me believe more and more that horoscopes are totally wrong ((Not that they're right to begin with, but oh well.)) My mom's a Taurus and I'm a leo. As a Leo I'm supposed to love the spotlight, which I do. But my mom, who isn't supposed to like the spotlight always bashes me into the background. My brother has been a jackass right beside her. it's like they're playing a "let's see how many times we can cut down Angie in 24 hours" game. I totally wanna say, you know what screw you, i'm gone. But I can't. I have certain things that are prohibiting me from living Shitzville. My brother called me immature, and that I'll never grow up and in the same minute my mom said that I'm not independent and I'll never know what it's like to be independent. I mean WTFHY?!?!?!?! Can't they see that I wanna die inside?! I just want to become some soulless shell of a being. I'm getting sick and tired of running around after them, having to do their crap, my crap, taking care of everything, everyone. I don't have time for all of this! I don't have time for listening to them beat me down day in and day out. i don't have the time to listen to screaming voices, cursing voices. It's either that or the silence. And the silence scares me even more. The silence is the calm before the storm. It's the calm before I have to do everything all over again. It's the calm before my mom bashes me into the background.

Now don't get me wrong, she isn't hitting me or shit. She's just...she's two-faced. In public, she makes me out to be the perfect daughter. In public, she's the god-fearing mother who loves her children deeply. Behind closed doors, I'm being told i'm not good enough, that i need to run faster, that I need to do better, do it again, you didn't do it right the first time. Your'e going to do it until you get it right.

No rest for the weary. Bad things happen to good people. Those are my mottos now. No rest for the weary. I'm so exhausted emotionally. I put on a strong face, a brave face, but I'm dying inside. Bad things happen to good people? It makes me feel like maybe there's some good left in me. It makes me feel like maybe I'm not some stupid idiot that can't do shit correctly. Maybe I'm the best at being the worst though.

I'm a hypocrite. I smile and wave when all I want to do is curl up and forget.

My favorite line in one of A Perfect Circle's songs is "Just ignore the smoke and smile." That's what I'm doing now. I'm ignoring the smoke and smiling.

And I'm breaking down inside.

I want to run away and say never say goodbye.

I want to run away and spread my wings and fly: free.

Heh, like that'll ever happen.

Hey guess what.....

So I was on dA this morning and this person added one of my pics...her signature was hilarious!! =P So I wanted to spead it around some.

Dark 1 night in broad daylight 2 dead boys got up to fight Back to back they faced each other drew their swords and shot 1 another A deaf man heard the noise and came and killed the 2 dead boys If you don't believe it's true ask the blind man he saw it to

Do ya get it? =P Oh and.....told you that my next post would be a happy one!!!!

Also....my cat is psychotic. I'll show you a pic later...He's becoming more and more cross eyed.

Also....Shugo Chara is pretty cute. I'm on episode 28 almost 29.

Another sad post

Look, I'm sorry for only posting sad posts for now...It's just with Mom's husband in New Jersey, and Terry constantly away from the house, and Mom depressed about Thad and Terry being gone, I have to do basically everything and Mom yells at me when I don't.

If you don't want to read further, fine, whatever.

So what happened? Since Sunday- my b-day, I've been sick with a cold. Monday, we had a meeting and I went with Mom. After the meeting I started complaining about the cold and she yelled at me. She hates it when I "complain." My excuse- and her excuse to the public eye- is that I never get sick and so it kinda shocks me when I do get sick and I act like I'm dying. Now, I wouldn't say I act like I'm dying, but I do hate the feeling and so I complain. Tuesday, Mom woke me up screaming about...something. I can't remember what it is now. I got pissed cause I'm sick and I had nothing better to do. I'm not going to do chores 24/7 just because she's depressed and doesn't want to do anything. But I got up because I know it's better than getting yelled at again. Tuesday night, I COULD NOT sleep!!!! I woke up every 20-30 minutes coughing and sneezing. My head hurt, my chest ached, but I knew if I woke up Mom she'd just yell at me. So finally around 6 am I woke her up and told her that a, we had work and b, I was definitely stuffy and achy. So she got up, didn't say a thing about me being sick other than I need to drink water. Well I've been drinking more water than a sea turtle, fish, whale, and shark combined. Anywho, I went back to my room and accidentally fell asleep. Mom woke me up by yelling, threatening to kick me out of the house if I didn't wake up. So I got up all groggily and went about getting ready. I'm still achy and whatnot and now...I'm sweating profusely. I never knew you sweat a lot with a cold... So we get to work and the lady that we work for noticed right away that I'm sick. I nodded, but didn't talk. My voice was/ is raspy. I set off to work, cleaning her house, and I kept sneezing and coughing. Mom didn't say a thing, but the lady kept saying "God bless you and keep you." I hated that Mom could even say "Bless you" to me. I hated that she was showing absolutely no compassion whatsoever. However...before we left (I miraculously got through cleaning that house...) the lady told Mom that I was definitely sick and needed medicine. Mom nodded and nodded saying "I know, I know. We'll get her some when we run to WalMart." So we leave her house and Mom goes home. I fall asleep. She wakes me up an hour later yelling again. This time saying that I never get up when she calls for me. 1. It's VERY hard to wake me when I'm not sick. 2. I can't even hear myself; how in the world does she expect me to hear her when I'm sick??? anywho, I get up and we go to Walmart. She amazingly did get me medicine, but the cheapest we could find- luckily it works. So last night I took the medicine. During the night, I slept fine...until 4 am. I woke up and couldn't stop coughing and sneezing. The mucus ((ew)) was loosening up and now came the get-it-out stage. ((ew)) Finally I went back to sleep. Woke up at 5. Went to sleep. Woke up at 8. Went to sleep. Woke up at 9, finally decided to get up. Mom was talking on the phone. I decided "Alright, she's sitting down. I'll go cuddle beside her and we'll just snuggle for a bit before I do dishes and such." This is how I know Mom's not a mind-reader. I think "I'll clean my room" or "I'll do the dishes" and she'll yell at me for not doing it. Well this time, Mom told the person she was on the line with that she'd call them back later. When she hung up, she said "What's up?" I said, "Everything's loosening up and it really hurts." Her response..."I'm angry with you." "I know, I didn't do the dishes last night." "No, it's not only the dishes. It's everything. The dishes, the laundry hasn't been folded, the cats have toilet paper stuff all down the hallway. The pillows have been off the couch for the past week. You know I'm depressed and that I need help." "Well, since Sunday, I've been sick. That's why I'm not doing much. I'm being lazy-" Then she yelled some retarded comeback and I stood up. "I'm not going to wake up to you yelling all the time. I'm not going to listen to this." She said to sit down, that we were talking. I said, "This isn't a talk. This is a you yell at me while I sit and listen and I'm not dealing with it. I'm sick and have a headache. My ears are stuffed up and noise echoes." She starts screaming at me, throwing some baby-ish tantrum, then ran off up the stairs, and slammed the door to her room shut. I mean seriously WTF?! I can't be sick in this family. No one can pick up my slack. When I was depressed for 2 weeks, I still had to do my stuff. When I'm sick, I still have to do my stuff. When Mom or Terry are sick...I have to do their stuff plus my stuff. Oh and if Mom has errands, I have to go with her...cause she doesn't like driving alone. WTF?!

I have the Cinderella story...Unfortunately my Prince Charming is no where to be seen. I'm starting to wonder if my family has anything to do with that... No one wants to deal with a broken, dysfunctional family...

That's all for now, I guess...

Tell me if this is reasonable please

For the last week, my brother has been back home. he's been going to his friends house ALOT over the summer and such. Anywho, so since Terry's computer "mysteriously" got 'a WHOLE lot slower' when I got my laptop, he's been using my lappy every now and then. Well since he's gotten back he's been using my computer Daily!!!! He even came into my room while I was sleeping and snuck off with my laptop. He said he'd be bringing it back (I woke up freaking out that there were noises in my room) and that he'd hook it back up. Well...he didn't and the battery ran out, and it illegally shut down. So that's one. Then he did it once again the next day. Just left my laptop sitting around after he'd left to hang out with his friends. I was FURIOUS after that. So I changed my password and started locking my computer when I leave and turn it off when I go to sleep. So this morning he said he "HAS" to use my laptop. That someone messaged him on myspace. I said "Hell no! The last two times you've had it, you left it off the charger and it illegally shut down." So he gets all pissed of saying that it's ONLY a laptop ((That cost me more than I've ever paid for anything, mind you)) and that it's FINE! So I stood my ground. He unplugged my laptop, tossed it down. It ended up falling in a puddle of water left by our dumb dog. If that's not enough, he picked up my purse and slung it across the room. You can imagine how pissed I got. But I didn't say anything. I just picked up the cord, wiped it off, and plugged it back in. Then I picked up my purse and told him "You better hope nothing's broken" He replied (and these are his exact words) "I don't give a damn if anything's broken in your G**D**** purse. I'm not paying for S***." And then he stomped off. I came home from my meeting tonight and my laptop (again) was off the charger and had illegally shut down. He obviously couldn't get into my laptop- thank god- but now he's not talking to me. He "mysteriously" didn't hear me.

So is it reasonable that I don't let him use my laptop anymore?

Angie <3

I'm not your f***ing playtoy!

How come in public I'm "THE BEST DAUGHTER EVER" and then behind close doors I'm like some devil child?! I swear! In public my mom boasts about me all the time, and then when we get home she's all YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING! If you don't start doing something, I'm going to kick you out, blah, blah, blah! DAMN! What the fuck!? Like seriously?! I'm SICK of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What happened you ask?

Today was going okay. You with me so far? Well then 10:00 pm roles around and my mom asks me to take out the dog. ((or so I heard // she says she said feed him then take him out later... )) I answered the remainder of my replies on deviantart and went to take out the dog. 1st off, it's dark, I HATE taking the dog out at night. 2nd, We have NO lights out here and my mom is stupid enough to get the flashlights wet and now they don't work. 3rd, I HATE HATE HATE dogs!!!!!!!! (I like wolves...) So the dumb mutt pees, right? Then mom says, "did you feed him?" "Um, no...I don't feed the dog." She gets all pissed that I'm not calling him by his 'name' and then she gets pissed that I didn't feed him. Um, he's not my dog and I'm having to feed him and take him to use the restroom? Hell f***ing no! I'm sick and damn tired of taking care of that damn mutt and E-VER-Y-TIME I do, I get yelled at for doing some damn thing wrong! So I go back upstairs after feeding him. Lemme tell you, I'm UPstairs. My mom is DOWNstairs...where all the doors and the leash are. Duke decides "OMG I"VE GOTTA GO POO!" And he whines, whines, whines, whines and my mom calls ME to take him out. Um, he's where you are! DUHURR. I didn't hear her call me so the dog decides
~*~ beware nastiness~*~
"Hmm, the living room looks nice and clean LET ME GO AN DIARRHEA IT UP!" DAMN! So I have to go BACK DOWNSTAIRS, never mind that I'm trying to do my own stuff and get to bed, and clean up basically the entire living room.
~*~end nastiness~*~
So I clean it up and go back upstairs and try to finish up what I'm doing. Well that's not good enough for her, I have to take him out AGAIN! So I do that. Then while I'm outside she's like "Damn, can no one take out the garbage?! And when the hell are you doing the dishes?!" I'm thinking "Um, you have your own two legs, get off your ass and do something." and "I was going to do the dishes in the morning cause I'm exhausted."
I finally finish taking out the dog. He doesn't use the restroom cause um HE"S ALREADY GONE! But I give him bones anyway cause if I don't, mom'll know that he hasn't gone and I'll have to sit out there the entire night until the dog's like OMG MY BOWELS ARE ACTING UP! Ugh! So then I kick off my shoes and go into the kitchen and mom CONTINUES to yell at me for some damn reason. I tuned her out. So finally, I finish the kitchen, turn on the dishwasher and tell her goodnight and head upstairs. OF COURSE she can't tell me good night, noooooooooooooooooo, that would be NICE! Ugh, the day I'm able to move out, Heaven will split open and sing Hallelujah!
I'm bored. My BF from GA is in AL! ((LOL)) She'll be down there for about a week and I'm BORED! My one buddy that can be on the internet at the same time I am doesn't have internet at the moment!

So what have I been doing? I've been reading, writing, and drawing. Reading's going good, read 136 pages yesterday, gonna read more...............................soon. Writing is going amazingly! I wrote 7 pages, edited, and nearly typed them all up. Drawing...not so good *sigh* It's annoying when you have plenty of things to draw and none of them want to work right. I have to draw this pic of an anthro for my ex and it's difficult! I mean, I've drawn plenty of anthro guys, but I want this one to be uber sexy cause it's basically an anthro of him... ^^; I'm a loser.

Anywho, I'm going to go watch the Harry Potter movie sometime this week. Was going to go with my bro tonight to the premier, but he had plans with his friends already, so I told him we'll just go see it later. He's always up to watching HP again...Me on the other hand, once and I'm DONE! HP is not my thing. I don't think I have a "thing" at all. I just do what I like when I like it, when it gets popular I drop it unless I really like it.

So yeah, my diet coke is done, so I'm gonna finish this journal and get some water...I'm craving some now... >.<

Angie >^w^<

P.S. what do we do with lollipops? We suck and suck hard! =P

Slackerz Slackin'

Okay, so I saw probably the most disgusting thing today. "Ooh, what was it Angie? Was it some raccoon that was run over?" Nope. "Was it maggots in the trash?" Nope. "Was it some guy slacking?" Ding, ding, ding!

"But Angie, you see this all the time. Why's it disgusting now?" Um, well let's see. THE GUY HAD WHAT LOOKED LIKE WHITE BOXER SHORTS ON AND HIS PANTS WERE LITERALLY FALLING OFF OF HIM. I mean the guy had his pants (with a belt, lol) right below the base of his boxers as we drove by. When we passed him again, he was on his cell phone holding his pants up with one hand. He let go of his pants for a second, to switch his phone to the other ear, I think, and his pants fell down. He quickly made a grab for his pants and continued walking. I mean, C'mon!! I understand that slacking is "in" right now, and I must say...when done PROPERLY it can be hot. Now by proper I mean if I can see the top band of your boxers. That's kinda hot, depending on the underwear. I don't want to see speedos (yuck, period) I don't wanna see tighty whities. Boxers, fine, sure, whatever. I, personally, only want to see the band- if that- of the underwear. I hate it when they show their entire boxers (or tighty whities, yes I've seen that) and have a belt on their pants. What. The. Heck!? If I were to show the straps from my thong as I walk down the streets, guys might find that hot. If my pants are 3 sizes too big and they can see all of my underwear and I have to have a belt to keep them above my knees, well then...I'd be considered a whore, a slut, or just plain out retarded. Guys, take it from me. When you slack, it's wack. You look retarded.

That's enough of my rant for today >^w^<

Angie >^w^


Trying to get onto LJ has been hell in a basket for me for the last couple of days.

Other than that, nothing much to say. Wanted to do this quiz thing.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"perfectly. She had Lettie's dark hair and blue eyes." ~Howl's Moving Castle- Diane Wynne Jones

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
my Pizza Pringles

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

4. Without looking, guess what time it it is?

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
75. Brazil Street- Nicola Fasano (Zumba music)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About half an hour ago. Feeding the horses and such.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
DeviantArt and Mangafox.com I'm reading Yaoi

9. What are you wearing?
Momocon '08 shirt and short shorts ><

10. Did you dream last night?
that my mom and I were in the car listening to this song and we started clapping like we do in the Zumba class.

11. When did you last laugh?
Just now. A fake laugh. Other than that earlier at a funny in the yaoi manga.

12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
POSTER GALORE and pictures and awesomistic stuffers, cause Bekah's awesome like that =P

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh yeah, but I don't care to describe.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
I've done it before I'm sure....

15. What is the last film you saw?
There Will Be Blood. ((It was my bedtime story last night >^_^<))

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Um...I'd buy new sharpies.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know about.
I need new pantalones y zapatos. ((I hope I spelled those right. Been YEARS since I've taken spanish classes))

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd find a way to end racism. Dogs, cats, and squirrels can't get along. But something- humans- that are smarter than those animals can't. It's pathetic.

19. Do you like to dance?
*sly grin* durrteh. And I can slow dance (but who can't)

20. George Bush:
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman. It was my evil twin brother who's had it out for me ever since I stole his crayon box when we were 3." @_@

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Ugh, a girl? Really? Desiree or Celeste.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Aiden or Dimitri

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Welcome Home, try not to trip on the clouds on your way in.